At 4, she refused to dress as another princess.
No.
She would be “Princess Hannah” and that was that.
Always a vision for her own future, never one that looked like anyone else’s. That’s a tough order to make for yourself. And she had extreme shyness, loss and more to overcome.
But she did. She has. And 2019 has been an incredible journey of self-realization, loss, overcoming & victory for my little girl who’s not so little anymore.

Before 2019 began, Hannah was still in a cycle of insecurity and newness - new job, new to being the only Scott kid in homeschool, new to discovering her first crush & a new church. And then she got the part of Millie in Hello Dolly, just when she needed it. Of course, she killed it!

As the musical closed and Hannah’s closest friends in the cast began to post photos on Instagram of gatherings she wasn’t invited to, I looked to Hannah for how this would make her feel. Not one ounce of resentment or sadness poured out of her. She knew she could make musicals and her theater friends the center of her day-to-day life and they would embrace her with open arms - they’re lovely that way. But she also knew she sometimes had a hard time relating to their lives, with new cars in the driveway with a giant bow on the top, trips to New York for musicals and piles of amazon boxes on the porch. If she wanted a car, she’d have to work for it. Amazon boxes, too. She’s never been to New York (yet!) Her friends with more financial resources never - not once! - made her feel less than. But she had discovered people at her job could understand her better, simply because their lives were different. She’s so much wiser than I am & because her love for all of her friends never wavers, her life is better than mine ever could have been as a teenager.

She’s not superhuman though, & the loss of her cast friends interacting on a daily basis while she wasn’t fully comfortable at her relatively new job was still a stretch for her. Just in time, God stepped in. As He so often does! Hannah was scouted by a talent agent and that’s why we have photos like the one below.

But, wait! There’s more. This next story gets me in all the feeling places - anxiety & fear, tears of loss, sadness as she questions her worth & finally, relief.

You see, My brave girl went month after month wishing the boy she liked more every day would notice her.
He didn’t.
Not once.
So she plucked up her courage and flat-out told him she liked him.
”You’re adorable… I like you…. Now you know… Ball’s in your court….” (I’m paraphrasing)
Can you even imagine? And you know what happened next?
FLAT
OUT
REJECTION.
NO THANK YOU, MA’AM. I AM NOT LOOKING TO DATE ANYONE AT WORK.

”Mom. I know you’ve told me I’m pretty my whole life, but you’re my mom. You’re supposed to think that. And I’ve never been asked out by a boy. Not once. Are you sure it’s not that I’m…….”
”Oh, baby. I’m sure. “

The next shift, she worked alongside him. I dropped her off, remembering the tears of the night before, knowing there was nothing I could do to take the pain of rejection away. She stepped out of my car and walked in. She & I both learned that day - Hannah really does NOT run from that which is hard. She faces up to it.

She was so much more relaxed around him, now her truth was out in the open, that when she was forced to receive training from him (by an unknowing 3rd party) she sucked it up & began to make jokes.
He laughed.
Really, did he even stand a chance?

It didn’t take him long to figure out he was turning down an amazing opportunity, and now - of course, he’s smitten.
He was slow, but he came around.

Yep. They’re adorable. We adore him. He’s every bit as sweet as she is. I already wrote about what a gift he is & many months later, it’s even more true.

While this relationship was developing & Hannah was discovering that being a very girly, very blonde person means there’s not a lot of audition opportunities, many other things were happening in her life.

Our sweet Alyx got married!

and Hannah danced all night long.

Travel is always a huge part of our lives - the three photos at the top were just Hannah & me, exploring Canada & California. The bottom three are during our spring trip to Walt Disney World. She may look the same, but Hannah’s heart was very different by the end of trip #2.

Loss

2019 was a year of loss for not just Hannah, but all of us. And during our trip to Florida, she was coming to terms with her first one of the year as she lost the affection of who she thought was her dearest friend. During the second trip, her sweet boyfriend’s close friend was tragically killed. They skyped via internet from the ship, while we were at sea. My heart broke, just listening to them talk. Losses continued through the rest of the year, but none compared to the one we had no idea was coming.

Sweet Channing

We had to say goodbye too quickly, too early & the pain is fresh. We lost our Channing between Thanksgiving and Christmas and it will never feel okay. Not ever.

Hannah loved to make Channing laugh. Channing loved to make Hannah laugh. That’s what they were doing in these photos - in all the photos I have of them together. Hannah especially loved to give Channing spontaneous hugs, that she pretended to hate. They were each other’s oldest friends.

In the months leading up to this grievous loss, we were able to spend whole weekends together. Hannah laughed with Channing, as always. And for the first time, she helped her with her medicine and troubles with the bathroom & showers. I saw Hannah jump to be Channing’s personal caregiver without hesitation, question, pity or repulsion. I thought it would happen for the rest of their lives. I still can’t imagine it ended so quickly.

The loss is fresh, but I look forward to sharing the journey someday.

My girl also became a more deeply rooted Christian, stronger in her faith, more attached to her family & increasingly driven toward Christ-driven adulthood this year. She prays more, studies more, lives her faith OUT LOUD.

For the first time, she took a trip without me. It’s a gift to never doubt your child’s personal convictions, because they are 100% her own. Just like she would never be another princess but Hannah. She’s not another version of me. She’s Hannah. All Hannah. All the time.

And even though we ended our year with penetrating loss, Hannah did finally make it to an audition she could get. She’s in rehearsals for her second romantic lead, to perform this February.

To know Hannah is to realize she is fiercely loving, kind, thoughtful & generous. She has a tremendous sense of justice, a desire to please God, then her family, then to care for others. We surround her with protection for her physical self, yes. Even more so, we surround her by pouring love in so she can continue to bless others with a whole and giving heart. The world is a better place with Hannah in it. I am a better person for having her in my life.