Several Years - a healing poem by survivor, Joshua Scott
Joshua was 16, when he wrote his heart & healed a piece of mine.
Sometimes I lay awake at night
There doesn't seem to be any light
Its twisted and warped and bent
There is just so much pain
Horrible hurt, livable hell,
But those are one in the same
Locked in, trying to break free
Invisible cages that no one can see
Spiritual ropes and whips on a rack
Secret things done behind your back
Things that are only done in the dark
Things that would hurt you
And break more than your heart
I stare at the ceiling and think in my head
There are so many people who wish they were dead
Think they are worthless over and over again
Dragging a blade over the top of their skin
Beating themselves 'till they're black and blue
...sometimes, I want to do those things too
When the pain is just so much
That you can't feel peace
Or loves’ touch
You feel like a beast
You feel crippled without a crutch
Just smile at least
But just that is too much
Because you feel so weak
You can't even cry
You can't speak
And you can't even die
The world is caving in
You can feel it collapse
You tried to start over again
But this is a relapse
You can't tell the difference between anger and grief
All the pain is one and you just have to grit your teeth
But the sound of the grinding is getting louder
You've done it so much that your teeth are now powder
You wish it was a nightmare
Just a terrible dream
But this is no nightmare
And you just scream and scream
But you can't scream out loud
Only in your head
Or others will find out
And then you're as good as dead
For isolation and death are just as well
They are the fire
And they both make up hell
You see no one wants to walk through this with you
Stand by your side
Carry and support you
Always be there and never leave you
Crawl through the fire while holding you
No one wants to feel that much pain
Over and over and over again
But there is one who will make it known
That you do not have to walk through the fire alone
He will be there as long as you need Him
As long as you have planted your life's seed with Him
To Him the fire is nothing
He walks through it every day
He's felt everyone's fire
He's felt everyone's pain
And He will never leave you alone to burn on this rack
As long as you never turn and show Him your back
“For He loves you and if you give Him your heart
He’ll protect it for you while the world tries to tear you apart ”
But some people hate Him and call him a liar
They say "if He really loves me, then why won't He spare me the fire?!"
But you see, it is not His desire
For you to burn forever in the fire
He wants to see you come out the other side
Holding your head up, beaming with pride
For if you can take the heat a little bit longer
You will come out of it ten times stronger.
#Hope #Healing #NOTDestroyedFamily
